I like to have a plan. I think things through, sometimes over and over again, to be sure I haven’t missed something. And then I revisit the plan again, assessing every angle. I like to have the full picture in my mind, the details and the broad view. This has served me well in many aspects of my life. For instance I can:

• Expertly pack the trunk of a car for four women heading home from a wine tasting (and buying) excursion.
• Navigate cross country, alone, before Google maps.
• Dissect construction details along with contractors to avoid delays once work is underway.
• Always be ready with plan B or C…no surprises.

How will it work and what are the consequences? Leaving nothing to chance or depending on someone else. It makes me reliable…and also worried and anxious. Really, it is exhausting. I’ve learned to let go of some things…but this needing to have everything worked out plus contingency plans has stayed with me. The problem is I am finding less and less joy in the moment as I prepare for some moment in the future.

What to do? It helps to meditate and to make time to be still. It helps to practice not getting things done but simply letting things be. It helps to remember to be grateful for being alive. It helps to stop and have a cup of tea. It helps to step back and see the bigger picture. It helps to remember that I already have what I need.

I am a work in progress. Whew!
Much love
Paula