If you read my previous blog, you know I was recently in Pennsylvania visiting my mom and sister. They are experiencing a drought. While we are literally swimming here in Southeastern NC, they have gotten so little rain my sister has not mowed the grass for five weeks. Yes, five weeks.
And guess what? A miracle happened. Flowers grew while the grass stayed stunted. I mean look at this!
You may call them weeds, but to me, they are incredible flowers. My mom looks out the window every morning admiring this view. My sister might mow the rest of the yard this week but has decided to leave the flowers for now. They’re too beautiful to mow.
So, what’s the message? What is the wisdom? You decide.
There are always chances to practice going with the flow. Two examples.
I was in Pennsylvania this past week to do a project with my brother and sister. We reinstalled pavers and built elevated planter boxes so my mom could continue to garden without having to get down on her knees. The first day when we arrived, we looked at the project together and made a plan for how it would work out over the next three days. Who would do what, when and how.
Early the next morning the plan shifted a bit. Instead of picking up all the lumber, we would start with the corner posts and layout. Once that was done, I could follow the next day with the pavers before the boxes were built. The next day there was a brief shower in the morning so laying the pavers was not going to work. We switched it up again and finished the planter boxes and hauled the soil to fill them. Pavers and final trim on the boxes happened on day three. No complaining, no one attached to ‘their’ plan, just going with the flow. It worked out perfectly.
Looks good, right?
Second example: I was scheduled to fly back to Myrtle Beach on Monday afternoon. Nope. Flight canceled, presumably due to Hurricane Debby. No re-booking options for many days. Now what? My brother was planning to drive back to Charleston on Tuesday. He moved his plans to Monday afternoon after taking care of a few loose ends on our project. We left around 3pm on Monday. We made it to Mt Airy and got some needed rest. Traffic was light and the sun was shining on the six-hour drive to that point. On Tuesday around 11am, Renee picked me up near Fayetteville and my brother hopped on I-95 to Charleston. Yes, my car is still at the airport in Myrtle Beach, but I am home safe and my brother had company on most of the 10-hour trip back to Charleston. Win-win.
So, this is a reminder: go with the flow. It really is more peaceful, even with an impending hurricane. And it all worked out perfectly. Really it did.
Fear is the cheapest room in the house. I would like to see you living in better conditions. Hafiz
Oh, dear Hafiz. 14th century Persian poet. Master of the mystical and the mundane. Simple and extraordinary. Speaking truth and lightness.
Who doesn’t want to be living in better conditions? Fear is by turns uncomfortable, all consuming, exhausting, frightening, stressful, and debilitating. In a word…awful. Hafiz is saying, treat yourself to better conditions. You have that power.
I mean, look around! Fear is making you ill. It’s ruining your life, stealing your joy, keeping you down and robbing you of your peace. Fear does that, you know. It doesn’t really care who you are, what you’ve done or which room you’ve chosen up until now.
But see, you have to believe you’re worth it. That you deserve an upgrade to the finest room in the house. Where you can breathe more easily. Where you can find comfort and ease. Where you can know yourself as whole.
Worthy is the finest room in the house. It’s on the top floor with the best view. It’s filled with light.
Sign the lease with gratitude. I’ll join you there.
It is interesting the way most of us walk in the world. We believe we have to protect ourselves, make our own way, take advantage of our good fortune and opportunities, make and save enough money, prepare for the rainy day…all to gain some sense of security. We most often consider our own security and comfort ahead of the needs and comfort of another. Even when we seem to have enough, we want a little bit more. We don’t want to fall behind…and we prefer others don’t get too far ahead of us either.
This way of living creates anxiety, worry and doubt. It’s not a comfortable way to live. Always worried about having enough and being enough. Not wanting to make a mistake. Not wanting to fail. It’s exhausting. There is another way.
Maybe we shift our perspective inward to realize what it might be like to live with an open heart.
A wise woman who was traveling in the mountains found a precious stone in a stream. The next day she met another traveler who was hungry, and the wise woman opened her bag to share her food. The hungry traveler saw the precious stone and asked the woman to give it to him. She did so without hesitation. The traveler left, rejoicing in his good fortune. He knew the stone was worth enough to give him security for a lifetime. But a few days later he came back to return the stone to the wise woman. “I’ve been thinking,” he said, “I know how valuable the stone is, but I give it back in the hope that you can give me something even more precious. Give me what you have within you that enabled you to give me the stone.” Author unknown.
What is that precious thing? What would you call it? Do you have it for yourself?
I was reading the 78th Verse of the Tao Te Ching today. It speaks to the softness and yielding nature of water. The ability it has to easily find a way around an obstacle or through a tiny crack. Always seeking equilibrium. Patient. And yet, the Tao informs us, water dissolves even the hardest substance. It finds its way over land and rocks creating mighty canyons. It is relentless in its flow. It is persistent. In its gentleness it overcomes what might have seemed insurmountable.
The Tao suggests this is a path we should consider as well. In the midst of turmoil, heartache, hatred, violence, things that are hard and seem insurmountable…we might become like water. We don’t try to push or fight but rather we flow easily and with great persistence and patience. We allow our softness to do the work.
What is the softness? Why, it is Love Itself. Working Its magic, in Its own way and in Its own time. It is paradoxical that softness could be the answer in the hardest of times. Almost unbelievable. But that is the nature of faith…to believe in the unseen. And in this case, to believe in the power of Love.
Here is the verse as interpreted by Stephen Mitchell.
Nothing in the world is as soft and yielding as water. Yet for dissolving the hard and inflexible nothing can surpass it.
The softness overcomes the hard; the gentle overcomes the rigid. Everyone knows this is true, but few can put it into practice.
Therefore the Master remains serene in the midst of sorrow. Evil cannot enter his heart. Because he has given up helping, he is people’s greatest help.
We’re not here just for our own self, we are here for others. We are an integral and essential part of the whole. Nothing we do is in isolation. Nothing we accomplish is ‘on our own’. If all our decisions and actions serve only ourself without consideration for the other, we have missed the proverbial boat.
I was attracted to this quote by Brittany Packnett: “Train yourself toward solidarity and not charity. You are no one’s savior. You are a mutual partner in the pursuit of freedom.”
Solidarity. Now there’s a word. Train yourself toward boots on the ground pursuit of freedom, justice, equality, kindness, respect, mercy. Remind yourself that you are partner in all these pursuits. All of them.
Then I read the article that contained this quote. The title is How to Spend Your Privilege. Please read it here.
Summertime is hustle time. There is so much to do and get done. Go, go, go. Everything is moving…and fast. Sometimes it’s exhausting. It’s all just too much.
It reminds me how important it is to slow down. Not just important, but how exquisitely luxurious it can be.
I wrote this while we were on a short vacation back in April.
Birds sweeping and chattering Sun hanging low in a bright blue sky Ants crawling aimlessly it seems In the early morning With warm tea on the front porch.
Sometimes we just feel stuck, as in unable to act. We are scared, unclear, confused or exhausted. We don’t know what to do and so we do nothing. And sometimes that pause is exactly what we need to let the dust settle so we can move forward more confidently.
Other times we stay stuck. We know there is a decision to be made but we just can’t. We simply refuse to deal with it. We move through life with it strapped to our back and it weighs us down. Why can’t I just decide?
I daresay we don’t have enough practice deciding what we really want. Most times we are clear about what we don’t want. But, what do you want? I mean, what do you want? For you? For your life? What do you want to do and how do you want to be? And what are you willing to do to get there?
You’ve got to be brave enough to decide what you really want. Claim it and make it yours. Write it down if that helps. You’ll know it’s your ‘thing’ by the way it makes you feel. There is a shift that happens when you align yourself with the right decisions for you. You’ll know it from the inside.
Once you know what you really want, you can be on your way. You can start by practicing saying ‘yes’ to what supports your desire and saying ‘no’ to what doesn’t. Get used to feeling good about either answer. Do it over and over again. Ask for help when you need it. Remind yourself of what you really want. Change it up if that feels right.
You may get what you want in an instant or it may take some time. The feeling of being on the way rather than feeling stuck makes all the difference.
You know what’s hard? Loving yourself enough to say ‘me first’ without guilt or shame. Without the comparison to someone else. It is hard sometimes to make decisions that are the best for yourself when you know others might feel disappointed or mad.
Listen, your life is your life. There is nothing wrong or shameful about loving yourself. (Maybe read that again)
Loving yourself means treating yourself kindly. It means considering your own mental and physical health, what brings you joy, what feels good and right and true. Loving yourself is being who you want to be, not what others expect you to be.
When you take the time to know yourself, you will know what you truly want to do and be. When you can see yourself clearly, you will put yourself first. You will care for you own well-being first because you realize wholeness matters. That’s what it feels like to love yourself. You feel whole. Complete. At ease.
With practice, you’ll get better at loving yourself. And with practice, you will allow everyone else to do the same. Because wholeness matters.
