Grace

What do I do with my sadness, my pain, my frustration, my fear and discomfort? Everything in me wants it to end. Wisdom says: stay with it, grasshopper. Know it. Turn it over in your mind. Feel it in your body. Experience the depth of it. Only then will it let you go.

Don’t pretend. Don’t stuff it down. Name it and own it instead. Let it move through you. Let it wear you out until you are spent and exhausted. Somehow, I’m not quite sure how, there is a path of healing, a turn toward wholeness that happens, a single spark of hope, a return of joy and peace.

Give your pain and fear a voice. Cry out. Punch the pillow. Hit golf balls. Plant flowers. Carry water jugs. Drop to your knees. Let the tears flow.

Our sweet boy Davey left us last week. He had just had his 14th birthday on March 7th. We were both with him at the vet’s office when we said goodbye. Our house feels empty. Renee and I are both sad. We’re sitting with that. Being present to it. Taking care of ourselves. Sleeping a little more. Eating a little less. Feeling how the world is different now that he is gone. We mention how he would love to walk on the cool mornings, silently pass his favorite ‘poop spot’, miss his click, click, click on the hard floor, wondering if our cat Buddha misses him.

As time passes we’ll more often remember him with a grateful smile rather than with tears in our eyes. What grace life offers to us for the love we share…to again feel joy in our once broken heart.

Much love always
Paula