What I really want is to understand. I mean, I want to understand people and how things can get into such an awful mess. Is that too much to ask? I realize I won’t like everything or agree with everyone, but is it too much to ask to understand another person’s perception or choice or how they reconcile a decision? Especially perceptions, choices and decisions that are different than my own?
I realize that my desire to understand is really my desire to know why. If I know the answer to why, I can put my world in order. Like this: Oh, okay, I understand. I feel better now. I know where it fits in my world. I’m good now. Understanding helps me feel better. No wonder I want to understand…and why not understanding throws me for a loop!
But here is the truth about understanding. It’s just not going to happen with everything and everyone all the time. I don’t have to feel bad about it. My work is to accept things and people as they are. Something like this: This happened. They are who they are. I don’t like it or agree with it. Now what?
Now what? That’s the question. What am I going to do from here? How will I live my life? Who do I want to be in this new moment? Indeed, now what?
This is a quote by René Coty I have taped to the bottom of my computer screen: “It has taken me all my life to understand that it is not necessary to understand everything.”
It is not necessary for me to understand everything in order to be joyful, loving, content, peaceful and kind. It is not necessary for me to understand everything in order to feel worthy, whole, capable and at ease. Not necessary. Not possible either.
So, deep breath, Paula. Now what?
Much love
