“Because the sage always confronts difficulties, He never experiences them.” Lao Tzu
Sometimes our first impulse at the sign of trouble is to retreat…to find a way to not be in the troubled situation. This retreating can show up as denial, indifference, substitution, blaming others, quitting, defending or running away. It can feel like hopelessness, frustration, resignation, fear and depression. Trying to avoid difficulties just doesn’t work. Fighting against what is happening in the moment is futile and it gets us more of what we really don’t want.
So, what if we take Lao Tzu’s advice. Instead of fighting and resisting…what about being with it? What about being right slam in the middle (where you are anyway) of what is happening in your life that you might call a difficulty…and see what happens from there. Being in the middle instead of retreating in whatever form we might choose…gives us a different perspective. Being with…whatever…from the inside allows us to have a different experience.
I was facilitating a group sometime ago, and I thought I was doing a great job pulling out ideas from the participants, marking them on the flip chart, making an effort to include everyone. One member didn’t feel I was doing a great job at all. She said quite aggressively “Paula, you are trying to force your opinion on everyone else and it’s just not fair!” She continued for a few minutes sharing her feelings about my poor effort. I was speechless. I really didn’t know what to say. Before any words came out of my mouth, another participant came to my defense, and then another until the episode was diffused. I was grateful for the support and glad I had the sense to be still instead of blurting out some excuse or worse yet to say something that made her wrong and me right.
This experience was a great gift for me. It taught me to stand in the moment…to relinquish judgment…to ask myself ‘what about this is for me?’. It taught me that standing in the difficulty…well, it was uncomfortable…but it was an opportunity for growth and a greater self-understanding. I am not yet to the point that I don’t experience difficulties…but when I do I am more prepared to be with it and not retreat.
I count that as spiritual growth!
Peace always
Paula
