Suffering with Sam

“The prerequisite to true inner freedom is to decide that you do not want to suffer anymore. You must decide that you want to enjoy your life and that there is no reason for stress, inner pain or fear.” Michael Singer, The Untethered Soul

Is this really possible…to not suffer anymore? Michael gives us two choices…suffering or joy. Which would you choose? It really is a decision.

I have been watching myself over the last few days as Renee and I are caring for our sick cat…Sam. He spent the entire day on Monday at the vet’s office and still is not eating as he should. He has asthma, diabetes and pancreatitus…he is ten years old. We have to put pills down the back of his throat six times every day and he gets an insulin shot twice a day. He is very tolerant of the whole mess. He purrs just minutes after any one of his treatments. I am a wreck.

I’ve observed myself being frustrated with the slow results. I beat myself up when I can’t get the pill down his throat successfully. Taking him to the vet, picking up another prescription and getting home in time for the first dose in the afternoon has interrupted my work. Then I feel guilty for thinking my work is more important than Sam. I hrumph around in the morning and afternoon trying to get him to eat. I am worried. Why doesn’t he just eat?!

In a word, I am suffering. I am trying to fix the outer condition, make it all better, so that I can return to my mornings of calm and happy and my uninterrupted work day. I want my fat cat back!  I won’t be okay until it happens. Suffering.

Well, I don’t want to suffer anymore. I am deciding that I am doing my best to care for Sam. I am deciding to release my attachment to controlling situations…to having it my way. I am going to let this experience move through me instead of letting it get hung up on the resistance I have about having to make it all better. Truth is I can’t make it better, I can’t control it and I am doing my best!

Deep breath…another one…ahhh.

I love you Sam.

Paula