It may sound like an obvious kind of statement…but I like to choose how I spend my time. I mean, I like to consciously decide. So, I’ll admit right here that I have little tolerance for being the audience for people who talk non-stop about themselves and their stories. I am not here to be the audience. I don’t want that role. I want a pause now and then. I am perfectly fine with a little bit of quiet right in the middle of a conversation. I think it adds some richness. I also am not up for gossip or complaining or so much judgment.
So, I say ‘no’ to some things now. I am willing to engage to a point and then I can make a choice to walk away. I consciously decide to be the audience or not. At the same time my biggest work is to stay out of judgment. Not everyone wants what I want. I’ve got to let that be.
What I want is to be in relationship with others. To be in relationship is to have a connection. For me it works like this: I want to see you and I want to be seen. I want to hear you and I want to be heard. I want to be present to you and I want you to be present to me. I want connections that are meaningful and enriching. I’ve decided…this is what brings me joy…to know you and to be known.
Still practicing
Paula
Thank you, Paula…for illuminating what must be both personal & cultural concerns for many of us. So many of us are very isolated, so certainly communication skills have slipped! I have experienced this recently with family member & with someone close here in my neighborhood. I often serve as just a receiver for people,, whether folks just find me uninteresting or from my own lack of conversational skills! For someone in your position, holy moly, you are rather like a designated “grand receiver”. Thanks to my years in Unity, it is particularly hard to be the recipient of negative, complaining ‘dumps’. In the cases of some of my most beloved, older relatives who are alone, it is, at least, just story-related or self concerns that are not negative. What is harder are the folks who need to complain!!! Bless you for hearing MY complaints..and wishing you more informative, heartfelt, loving conversations for us both!!!!