I’ve been out of touch for three weeks now. I had hip joint replacement surgery on October 25th and have spent the last three weeks in differing degrees of pain and sadness. I have also experienced amazing amounts of love and caring. So it has been…back and forth, side to side, around and around, before finding myself one more giant step towards a body that will support me in a pain free and active life once again. Sprinkle all of the above with gratefulness for this possibility and for all those who have cared for and sent thoughts and prayers to me during this time.
One of the feelings I’ve had over the last weeks is that I was no longer in the flow of life. That somehow, hemmed in by the four walls of my house, I felt completely separate from life. The world continued to spin, people continued to come and go, work was accomplished, progress was made and me…well, I felt disconnected from it all, unplugged…and maybe even unimportant. I think that really is the root of my disconnectedness…the feeling of being unimportant.
I realized this feeling was all about me focusing on what I was unable to do…that at this moment in time I was not able to contribute or make a difference. But the problem is, I was looking out there into the world and missing the moment calling out for attention right there in my pain. The thing calling for my attention was ME! Me…calling out for rest, healing, introspection, strength, courage, peace…a calling to make a difference right there in my own life! What could be more important than that? There is this flow of life happening right here, right now…breathing me and sustaining me and I was overlooking it!
Sometimes what we are looking for, or what we feel disconnected from, is so close we can’t seem to find it or feel it. We are disillusioned by a story we made up about what life should be or what it should look like. When you feel this way, pause and gently bring your attention closest to where you are. What do you notice?
With confidence and trust in the Life that sustains me,
Much love,
Paula
3 Responses
Hi Paula, glad to hear that you’re on the mend and sad to hear that you’ve been in a sad place lately. What I might recommend is for you to take advantage of these days to watch HSN and QVC and get all of your Christmas shopping done right from your own for walls in your room. That way when you get up and about you won’t have to go to the mall! All the best to you and see you soon
Paula, thank you so much for this post. I plan to share it with a friend who is 103 years old and doesn’t feel very important any more since she feels she can’t contribute to society.
I have been thinking about you frequently and you have been in my prayers.
Love and hugs, Ginny
So glad to see your Blog and to know that you are up and healng.
Life is very much like the ocean with high tides and low tides. Low tide is often not very pretty leaving trash and garbage on our favorite beach but it is quieter and easier to deal with than the thrash and smash of high tide. High tide is more exciting and lovely and more deadly. I have been out of sink with the ebb and flow of life more tnan once in my life. When that happens, it seems nothing works out as I plan and I am not happy. I feel I am not really needed and I miss my spot in this life. But like the tides, just wait and it changes. Patience and knowing that this too will pass. Everything you left behind to handle the hip issue will be there anxiously looking forward to you stepping back into your usual place. You’ll be warmed to find you were missed and everyone is overjoyed you are back better than ever.
I started reading, “The Dead Saints Chronicles, A Zen Journey Through The Christian Afterlife.