Sometimes life is just hard. Things happen that are difficult to manage. They weigh on heart and mind…heavy things. When life is hard we don’t see clearly. Sometimes it’s as if we are looking through and walking in a fog.

Some things in life are definitely hard…but we make life harder by struggling against what is. We don’t like it, we want it to be over, we feel hurt by it, it takes too much effort, it’s uncomfortable. We make it hard by asking this question…why is this happening to me? Why me? Why am I the one who has to suffer this way?

The ‘why’ question has never really helped me. I’ve never been successful at struggling against anything. You know what helps me get a grip? Sitting with my tea in the morning, closing my eyes and breathing in and out. Praying these words…show me, make it clear to me. Practicing kindness. Paying attention to what helps me feel good. Slowing down. Realizing that every single body will return to dust. Knowing there is only this very moment.

Turns out the grip is not a grip at all. Getting a grip on life is actually about letting go, being more gentle, open and receptive to the wisdom from within.

I can’t make the hard stuff stop or make it all better…for myself or for anyone else. I can be prepared and so can you. What helps you get a grip? In other words, what are your practices…the ones that will carry you through the fire…when it’s smoky and hard to see?

With great humility
Paula

From The Gift, Poems by Hafiz, The Great Sufi Master, translation by Daniel Ladinsky. This…

Now
That
All your worry
Has proved such an
Unlucrative
Business,
Why
Not
Find a better
Job.

Indeed.

I was thinking how this wisdom would also be true if I substituted other words for worry…like judgment, anger, frustration, control, guilt. I’d much rather find a better job…like kindness, patience, acceptance, deep joy.

Or the greatest job in the world…seeing God, the Divine, Love Itself, in every living being, in everything.

BTW…No resume required.
Much love.
Paula

I drove home to Pennsylvania last week to visit my mom and sister, who I hadn’t seen since November 2019. It was Mother’s Day and my sister’s birthday. The weather was cold and rainy but we had a wonderful visit including my favorite-rhubarb pie, my mom’s favorite-crab cakes and my sister’s favorite-chocolate. Besides the food, we shared laughs, played games and enjoyed our time together. On Monday, I had a pretty uneventful return trip back to Wilmington, NC. I did encounter traffic backed up at the NC state line that added almost an hour to my trip…but I arrived home safely on Monday. Whew!

I stopped for gas several times on this trip and did not encounter a single line or closed pump. Suddenly on Tuesday there appears to be a gas shortage, bolstered by panic to fill car tanks to the tippy-top. Less than 12 hours after I arrived back home…panic! What happened? What changed so suddenly? State of emergency declared. Stations out of fuel. Long lines at the pumps. It reminded me of the toilet paper shortage not so long ago at the beginning of the pandemic.

What does this kind of reaction say about us…about me and you and our neighbors and friends? Are we so self-centered and selfish? Is our  only concern that OUR tank is full…whether we need it to be or not? Are we so afraid of a bit of inconvenience?

This kind of manufactured panic is a response that comes from fear of not enough. Afraid there won’t be enough for me. It’s all about me and my needs, my insecurities, my ‘lack’ consciousness…the need to have more than enough, just in case, because. It is this mental, emotional and spiritual outlook that is in direct contrast to the most basic Christian teaching.

Love one another.

So, did your own response to the sudden ‘gas shortage’ come from love or from fear? Did it come from consideration of the whole or from fear of not enough for me?

It’s pretty simple…love one another. You just can’t go wrong when you come from love.

Humbly
Paula

What do you believe in? No, really. Think about it…because whatever it is you believe in directs your life, influences your decisions and determines how you show up to others. I think it’s important to acknowledge those beliefs and to take responsibility for them. We all hold many beliefs in our subconscious mind. We can become aware of what they are when we react to people and events. People know us by our automatic response.

Yuh-jung Youn won best supporting actress at the Oscars this year for her role in Minari. She is the first Korean actress to win in this category. On her way to the stage she paused and nodded to Glenn Close, one of the other nominees category. In her speech she said, “How can I win over Glenn Close?”, someone she has admired for her many roles.

Youn spoke about how she would watch the Oscars back home in South Korea and how it all felt so surreal to actually be attending. She said, “Me being here by myself, I cannot believe I’m here, let me pull myself together.”

About the other nominees she said this, “I don’t believe in competition. We cannot compete with each other. We play different roles. I have just a little bit of luck. I’m luckier than you.”

What we believe and what we believe in is televised to the people around us, to our community and to the world. What do you think they see when they look at you?

Much love always
Paula

Here is the link to Yuh-jung’s speech

Holy means to be devoted to the service of God. It’s not a great leap to know that serving the Divine, serving God, is about serving others. It is how we live a spiritual life.

There is a TV show that Renee and I watch called New Amsterdam. In the show, the medical director at this hospital in New York is like none other they’ve had in the past. When a problem arises, and there are many in the hospital setting, his response is…how can I help? He asks this question to his staff, to his Board, to his patients. He sincerely asks. And then he acts. Sometimes he fails, sometimes he succeeds, always he learns. In this TV drama, the main character is an example of  living a holy life, right where he is.

This is a great model for all of us. In our own unique and essential way…we are called to be holy, right where we are, by serving others. We are called to ask these simple questions. How can I help? What is mine to do? How can I be a beautiful and kind expression of God right here?

You are called to be holy right where you are. Don’t hold back. Sometimes you will fail and sometimes you will succeed. Always you will learn. Always you will make a difference.

Much love always
Paula

The headlines are full of disturbing, heart-wrenching, exasperating news. More and more people every day are being murdered with guns. More and more families are bearing up under unspeakable pain. And yet, nothing seems to change. There doesn’t seem to be a solution we can agree on…or at least a direction we can begin to move in. What are we to do?

Here is what I think.

Everything we do, every word we speak, every action we take, in every encounter with everyone, we must start with kindness and compassion. These must be at the top of the page. For every possible solution to the elimination of gun violence we must ask…is this kind and are we being compassionate? And not just to have kindness and compassion for victims, marginalized people, minorities of any flavor…but for ALL people.

We have divided up victims and perpetrators, the ‘us’ and the ‘them’, the good and the bad, those who deserve and those who don’t deserve. We divide them up and then we pass out kindness and compassion only to one side or the other. We’ve forgotten that pain is pain…no matter how it manifests. And pain is what is causing the killing. Pain and fear.

So, let’s address the pandemic of gun violence at its core. Let’s address fear and pain. The fear of losing what we have, of rights being taken away, of being ignored and ridiculed, of losing power. The pain of being mistreated, of seeing no way out, of not being loved or cared for, of depression, anxiety and hopelessness.

Let’s put kindness and compassion at the top of the page…for everyone. Let’s practice this in our own life and demand the same from our local, State and Federal governments. It’s the only way we all win.

Much love always
Paula

Sometimes I am so impatient with myself. The voice inside of me sounds something like this…

I thought I had been there and done that…and now I’m feeling crappy about myself…again…ugh! Haven’t I learned this one? When will it end?!

And then I settle down (emotionally), take a deep breath and remember that I am a work in progress…that I don’t always get it right…that I learn best by falling down and getting back up. I remember that I am still growing and learning. And I practice giving myself a break. All of this helps me bring myself to a new day with hope and possibility. And so I begin again.

I ran across this quote from Anaïs Nin, from The Diary of Anaïs Nin that really helped me today.

“We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations.”

Well, thank God! What a relief! And being made up of constellations? Priceless!
Beginning again.
Paula

Don’t forget to feel the joy in life. In the midst of the pandemic, in our exhaustion with it all, in our sorrow and grief, in our pain of what has been and what is still…don’t forget to feel the joy. I am talking about a deep sense of joy, a lightness of being, an awe-of-creation kind of joy. This kind of joy emanates from the soul. It is in us, and is touched when we pause long enough to notice. Then we feel it…a sense of joy.

Warm sunshine in my face, the orchid bud ready to burst, the pair of bluebirds at the feeder, clear blue sky, drenching rain, children playing, anyone laughing, dogs sniffing, hugs, smiles, comforting words, compassionate eyes, music, art, friends, family, solitude, stillness. Pause to feel the joy.

There is joy because there is God. There is the movement of the Divine in all things tiny and magnificent…including in me! Pause to notice…pause to feel deep joy. Then we might know what it is to see as God sees and to love as God loves.

Humbly
Paula

We don’t die. We leave our body. Because we are not our body…we have a body, we inhabit a body. Our body is a temporary temple for the soul. We are soul, spiritual in nature. We are eternal and unlimited.

What an important function of the body…to be a vehicle, a home, for the soul. The body is a way for spirit to be present in the physical. All bodies are temporary…not intended to carry on beyond their usefulness as it relates to the full expression of the soul. The full expression of the soul in this particular body.

Does that mean there are no accidents? Does it mean that some leave their bodies before their soul time is up? I’m not sure. Maybe our use of free will changes things. Or maybe the work of our soul is in service to others so it seems to be an accident that our life in this body is cut short…but it really isn’t.

This is all a mystery to me…it is an unknowable truth. In the midst of the unknowable, I find great peace in the practice of kindness and humility. That is enough work for me for my entire life…however long that is.

Calling on grace,
Paula

I am writing this post on Tuesday, March 23rd. The headline today is: 10 Killed in Mass Shooting at Grocery Store in Colorado. This the seventh mass shooting in seven days. What is happening in our world? Is it about mental illness, rage at perceived injustice, the need to control, hate, drug abuse? I’ll tell you what it certainly is about…pain. Pain, as in suffering, torment, distress, anxiety, grief, fear. At the root, it is pain that drives us to hurt ourselves and others.

Whatever else the solutions to gun violence include, we must answer this question: How can we address the pain? I am convinced that if we each could feel love, actually FEEL love…our pain would subside. If we could feel the genuine and caring concern from others…our pain would be soothed. Even little bits at a time.

I believe people do small acts of kindness everyday that help soothe the pain in others. Things like…an encouraging word, a smile, a touch, an offer to help, a complement, a hug, a phone call, a text. Simple words like…I understand, I hear you, I love you, how you feel matters to me, I’m sorry you’re hurting. Simple actions like…sending a card in the mail, listening without judgement, showing up for support. Sometimes we are completely unaware of how these small acts of kindness soothe the pain in others. We may not see it, but I know it’s there. I can feel it.

The news headline this morning brought up sadness in me. It also brought to my awareness this – pain is soothed by kindness. And kindness is something I can offer everyday.

Much love
Paula