I rode down to Fort Fisher to take a walk by the ocean. It was Saturday afternoon. I wanted to smell the salt air and see that big pond. I carried my notebook because, well, you never know. This poem came out while I was standing just behind the big rocks.

People just looking
Peering out at the ocean
Seemingly endless water
Infinite horizon.

Hearing the waves
Seeing them roll onto the shore
Nice and easy today
Almost still.

We’re all doing the same thing
Pausing for a minute, sometimes longer
Sitting on the rocks
Standing holding hands.

Mostly quiet
Reflective
Catching a glimpse of the dolphins
Breaking the surface in their easy arc.

I felt connected to everyone
It was the oneness in our attention
In our feeling of smallness
Next to this great wide and powerful open space.

Back to our cars, ready to move on
Eventually dispersed into the sea of humanity
With salt clinging to our clothes
And that feeling of oneness in our hearts.

If it rains, let it rain. If the wind blows, let it blow. Ikkyu

Do you understand how hard and necessary this is?

I expect we know hard times. Times when the rain blew sideways and the wind howled like a freight train. We felt tossed about and couldn’t see a minute in front of us. We called it overwhelmed, stricken with grief or anxiety, so angry we were ready to explode. It’s not supposed to be this way, we shout. This wasn’t supposed to happen. It’s just not fair.

Maybe you’re right in the middle of it now.

Wind and rain.
Wind and rain.
Beating me down.
Relentless.
Only if I try to get up.
Only if I want the sun to shine.
Only if.

The wisdom from Ikkyu is…let it be. Let it storm, let it rain and blow. Don’t try to make it something it is not. It’s only when we expect it to be different or better that we lose our way. Being in the storm is different than being lost in the storm.

The necessary part is learning to be yourself in the storm. Learning to be okay with yourself. Not having some sort of expectation of yourself. And it’s only necessary if you want to maintain some modicum of sanity, if you don’t want to be dragged around by life as it happens to be. Sometimes it’s really hard and painful and awful. Wisdom says: let life be life. Then we might say: okay, I’ll experience that.

This is what the storm feels like. And everything is temporary.

Maybe I could be kinder and more gentle toward myself.
Paula

I think too often we have the habit of making up the worst story possible. We have a tendency to let one small event, one headline, one opinion, blossom into some horrible result for all of mankind! In other words, we let our fear of what might happen take over. And in the process, we contribute to the very thing we don’t want to happen.

I am not talking about fear of the imminent…like a bear running toward you or someone pointing a gun in your direction. This is rational fear. It’s fear that is in alignment with present danger. Instead, I’m talking about the fear we manufacture based on what we think might happen. Irrational fear.

Think about how fear feels. Tense, sweaty, rigid, sick in the pit of the stomach. Apprehensive, uneasy, anxious. Panicked, heart-racing, scared. Think about the vibration of fear. It can be a low, grinding hum or an incredibly dangerous, out of control madness. And when we have a story based in fear, we want to talk about it to anyone who will listen. So, add the vibration of our voice and the words we use.

At this point, we are all in. It surely will happen, regardless of how much or little evidence we have. So, we walk around emanating fear. It pours out of us and impacts everything in our universe. We even say that we can smell fear. Which really means that we can sense fear. Because fear is a vibration.

We can practice catching ourselves when we travel the path of irrational fear. We can notice the story, the feeling and the vibration. And we can decide what kind of vibration we really want to offer the world. And then find our way toward that.

Just imagine what might happen if the vibration of the whole planet shifted away from fear and toward love, peace and joy. It could happen. Are you in?

I am.
Paula

I love it when I experience synchronicity. It happens when life experiences line up in a way that seem uncanny. Like, I had nothing to do with it and still it happened. There was no planning or preparation or coordination to make it happen. It just happened. And I was awake enough to notice.

It happened on Sunday at Soul Center. Megan shared a story and this nugget of wisdom: We don’t change, we become. We become what we are here to be. Our whole life is about becoming…not changing. Blew my mind. Because I knew that part of my message had to do with exactly this. My message was about mistakes, and how we can use them to answer the question…what will I become? I had already written that exact thing…what will I become…on a post it note I used during my presentation. Uncanny.

Another synchronicity. Tim Koehler (one half of the duo Soul-R Fusion, our guest musicians on Sunday) shared this with me. When he heard me say I didn’t have the word yet for my white stone, he immediately thought of the word light. Like, maybe that was my word. And what song did we listen to during meditation? I Am Light, by India Arie. What was the lyric I jotted down from their first song? “Every time we question, we get a little closer to the light.”

I don’t need any more evidence that there is an unseen energy, a life force, a creative power that lives me and you and literally the entire universe. Call it God or Divine or Truth or Love. I am humbled by it and ever grateful for it.

Paula

We had a moment on Sunday at Soul Center. It was a moment of pure joy. Everybody who was there experienced it. It was sweetness and love. It started as a completely ordinary moment. I think most extraordinary moments start that way, don’t you? And it became a moment that no one will soon forget.

Every Sunday, I select a card from the jar. The cards are filled out by Soul Center folks who answer these questions.

• Why Spiritual Soul Center?
• What have you discovered here or what are you hoping to find?
• How does it feel here or how are you hoping it will feel?
• How will you enrich this space and our community?

Sometimes there is a name on the card. It’s always optional. If the name is on the card, I ask the person to come forward and read their card. No name…and I read the card. This past Sunday I drew the card filled out by Myles. Myles is a teenager. He was helping our Youth Ed Director with the kids when his mom retrieved him from the backyard where they were having class.

Myles approached the stage with fist pumps in the air. To say Myles was exuberant would be selling the moment short. Way short. He read his answers. They were simple and profound. He was beautifully authentic, full of light, beaming with love. And he carried us all with him…like he scooped us up in his arms and whisked us onto a higher plane. In that moment…pure joy. Ecstasy.

Myles helped demonstrate the power in a moment. His energy, enthusiasm and love touched all of us. In those few short minutes, everything changed. It was like we existed outside of the world somewhere in an alternate Universe. It was truly remarkable.

We continued from there…watching Myles fist pump and jump in the air on the way back outside. The moment was over but far from being forgotten.

Thanks Myles…and happy birthday!
Much love
Paula

Welcome to 2024. You made it. So, now what?

At the beginning of a new year, it is natural to imagine what might happen, what might change, how this year might be different. Some people make new commitments and set goals. Others kind of slink into the year unsure of, well, anything. Some are exhausted or overwhelmed. Some of us are happy with the way things are, so we’re all set. As with any other time of the year, there is a wide range of how we each feel about moving into tomorrow.

No matter where you are or what you are feeling…please be kind. Be kind to others and to yourself. It seems at first to be such a small thing, and one well documented in a myriad of facebook posts that we scroll by and greeting cards that we put in the recycle bin. But what if we actually committed to this one small thing? What if we often asked ourselves…how could I be more kind?

When our self-talk is negative, when we read the headline news, when we share our feelings, when we learn about tragedy and suffering, when we look in the mirror, when we see a need, when we listen to the ‘other side’. How could we be more kind?

I met this week with a woman whose husband passed the day after Christmas. She was talking about his kindness and seemingly endless effort to help anyone in need. As she remembered this, the thought came to her…I need to have a t-shirt with “What Would Love Do?” printed on the front. That’s the way he lived…always responding to this question…what would love do?

So, now what? Your choice. How could I be more kind? Or…what would love do?

With great hope
Paula

Today I feel thankful for clouds…and for overcast skies. There is a slow feel to the day. It’s not the day to get a lot accomplished. I’m staring at the cursor, as it beckons me to write something important, maybe even profound. But, not today.

Today is for slow breaths, long pauses, and contemplation. It is for noticing little things…like the one small ripple in an otherwise perfectly flat pond. Or how many shades of gray are in the sky. Or how you can smell the rain before it starts.

My mom and sister sent me a Christmas gift by mail. It is moving sand art. Sand drops slowly in water through air bubbles creating a unique sculpture. Today is the day to watch as sand, water, air, and gravity work together. It is for me to sit with a cup of tea and enjoy the show.

Today, that is enough.
Paula

There was a quote on my daily calendar that I now have taped to the bottom of my computer monitor. Yes, for me it’s a keeper. A critical reminder. It addresses what I continue to struggle with just about every day. Here it is.

It’s taken me all my life to understand that it is not necessary to understand everything. René Coty

I want to understand. I want to excavate below the surface. I want to get at the root of it. Sometimes it’s possible…but alas, not always. So, how do I decide what is possible to understand? And sooner rather than later?

Like most changes I want to make, it takes time and practice. First, I simply must accept that I won’t understand everything. It’s quite a relief, really…and not outlandish or far-fetched. I am not going to understand everything I read or encounter…not every person or situation…not every decision or choice other people make. I just need to remind myself…like taping the quote where I will see it every single day.

And then start practicing by making this an option in my mind. Practice deciding if it really matters that I understand…or not. Is it important to me, it is worth my time, will it enrich me in some way?

Rather than having to understand everything, maybe it is enough to be in awe or to let it be or to pass it on. Maybe it is enough to understand what I do and leave the rest in the mystery.

Sigh. Maybe it will take a lifetime. Maybe not.

Paula

I read a news story about the Sycamore Gap tree in England that was cut down in an act of vandalism. It was a magical spot alongside Hadrian’s Wall and one that attracted many visitors. Now the tree is gone. There is a great effort to reseed a new tree from cuttings and seeds. And there is even a hope that the trunk will sprout new growth. These are two quotes from the story.

“Over the next year, we’ll be doing all we can to nurture the seeds and cuttings, in the hope that some will grow into strong, sturdy saplings providing a new future for this much-loved tree.”…”As with many things in landscape restoration, we need to be patient and take the time to let nature do its thing.” 

It is quite a useful metaphor for how we might treat each other when we feel broken or destroyed…for when suddenly something big and beautiful is missing from our life. This story suggests that we nurture each other. It counsels us to be hopeful and patient. As with many difficulties in life, we are wise to let nature do its thing.

With great love
Paula

I’ve done a lot of work managing my expectations. Work meaning…learning how to be satisfied with my own self. That’s what it takes. Because it really isn’t about the other person at all. Read…it is MY expectation…so it’s about me. No matter what anyone else says or does, no matter how things turn out, I am learning to be satisfied with myself.

Being satisfied with my own self starts with doing and saying things intentionally. Not because I expect a certain outcome or something from someone…but because it’s what I want. It feels good and right and true for me.  If another person disagrees, doesn’t reciprocate, or doesn’t follow through, well, that’s on them. If they attack me, talk behind my back, judge me harshly, well, that’s on them, too. And if it doesn’t work out the way I had hoped, oh well.

Managing my expectations is about extricating myself from the story I’ve made up of how it’s supposed to be…and feeling okay no matter what. Satisfied.

Truth be told, it still hurts sometimes. I feel frustrated or defeated or angry. But if I pause long enough, take a deep breath and look back…I realize it was just an expectation…a story that didn’t work out the way I wrote it in my head. No need to judge myself or the other person. It’s just what happened.

Still learning
Paula