How exquisitely insignificant we are. We can feel it in wide open spaces and mountaintop views and the vastness of space. How exquisitely divine and essential at the same time. I am convinced this is the mystery of life.

To be insignificant is not a judgment, it is simply what it is to exist as a human….to notice that we are one among many, a small vibration in a huge universe. To be essential is not a judgment either. We are essential because we are spiritual in nature and part of the whole of creation. There cannot be wholeness without us.

Feeling insignificant without claiming our essential nature as part of the whole can lead toward depression or indifference or powerlessness. Feeling self important without recognizing the sameness of our human existence can lead to righteous superiority and narcissism. Rather, the ideas of being insignificant in our human existence and essential as spiritual beings leads towards humility and wholeness and finding our place in the world.

This is a great mystery to me…to be human and divine…to have this body and to be a soul at the same time…to be insignificant and essential. For me it is a call to practice humility and to sit in prayer more often. I can’t really say more than that right now.

Feeling in awe at this moment,
Paula

Your level of integrity is measured by what you do and what you say when no one is looking or within earshot. When you modify or adjust your behavior or speech because you think others are watching or listening…it is a measure of your integrity.

Here is the definition of integrity from dictionary.com :
…adherence to moral and ethical principles
…soundness of moral character
…honesty
and more metaphysically…the state of being whole, entire, undiminished.

It is difficult for others to measure your level of integrity…they’re not around! So here are a few phrases you might use to check yourself. If you’ve used these to defend your behavior or speech, you might want to consider your level of integrity.

Nobody will ever know.
Everybody else does it.
It was just that one time.
I do everything else by the book.
It isn’t really hurting anyone.
No one cares anyway.
I pay my taxes/dues.
It’s freedom of speech.

When you live in the highest integrity possible you will feel whole, entire and undiminished. That’s where I strive to be. Am I perfect? Well, no. But awareness is the first step…and whole is how I want to feel.

Much love
Paula

To struggle is to be human. To be aware of the struggle is to be conscious. To know that the struggle is temporary is to acknowledge grace. To be in the struggle without judgment is to know our Oneness. To struggle no more is to surrender to God…and allow a greater power to heal and soothe and lift.

I have been in all of these places, stuck in some and fleetingly present in others, over and over again in my life. I feel grateful to have some understanding of each of them. Even this tiny bit of understanding is my chance to be hopeful. And hope is essential in this crazy world! I’ve written about hope before and here it is again on my mind. It’s such a powerful thing. It seems to rise out of nothingness…but that’s really not true.

Hope rises out of the intangible, for sure…but not nothingness. There may be no obvious reason to hope…but there is great power in hope. That power has a source. What is it for you?

May your struggle be lifted by the source of hope in you.
With great hope and much love
Paula

We have been forced into a reckoning with this pandemic. Forced to look squarely at ourselves…to be alone with ourselves way more often that even we introverts would prefer. The do-ers and the extroverts are having an especially tough time. Their prison walls seem a lot closer. Those who are working the front lines are face-to-face with our separation…plexiglass, face shields, masks, gloves, distance. Literally, we have lost touch…and we are suffering for it. Longing for it. Missing it. It is painful.

It is painful for health-care workers in ICU’s to watch patients die with no family present, suited up in protective gear, unrecognizable. It is painful for families, grandparents, parents, siblings and friends to forgo traditions of gathering for meals, celebrations, vacations. It is painful for spiritual communities who now care for each other by holding distance rather than embracing and singing as one. Painful for children having to learn on their own rather than in a classroom filled with friends and the excitement of growing together. It is painful for young and old. Painful in so many ways.

It is painful to be alone, to feel separated, as if life is passing us by. But like all pain, we might decide to use it, this collective pain, this forced exile, to open us up. Not to fight it, complain about it, wish it wasn’t…but to find a way in it, a new way of being. It’s not an easy thing to do and not all of us will be successful. But some of us might just be inspired.

Our inspiration arrives slowly, maybe in tiny steps and glimmers. Inspiration grounded in hope and belief. Inspiration buoyed by others, who despite the odds against them and the pain they have endured…have humility and love emanating from their heart. How can it be, we ask ourselves…that one is asked to bear so much sorrow? How can they not be completely broken? Can I possibly have the same resiliency in me?

The answer is yes. Having experienced pain, we have the ability to become a better version of our self. Not everyone is ready for this. But for those of us who are, there is no greater work to be done for all of humanity.

This I believe
Paula

I think too often we ignore how we feel. We ignore our own feeling nature in deference to what looks like or appears to be the next best thing. We decide and act and move in a certain direction because it makes sense…in the world of things it makes sense. But what about how it feels?

Some years ago after my first job as a minister in Durham had ended, I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do. Before I could really uncover the answer, an opportunity to work as a Project Manager at New Hanover County Schools was literally dropped in my lap. Renee and I talked about it and decided it would be a good choice at the time. I never checked in with how I felt about it. It just seemed like a good next thing. I started in May and I resigned that same year after Christmas break. I knew on the first day that it wasn’t the job for me. It was the feeling that wasn’t right. It had nothing to do with the job or the people or the salary.

Genuine feelings reveal the wisdom of the soul. But we have to take the time to feel them and to understand the guidance they offer. Genuine feelings arise from the deepest part of us. They carry a vibration and a sense of knowing that cannot be found elsewhere.

As you make choices, especially in these trying times, check in with how you feel about it. You can even ask the Universe, God, Spirit Guides…is this the right path for me? Is this the right way to go? Be still and trust what you hear. Let the wisdom of your soul bring you clarity. Feel it!

And always remember to breathe.
Much love to you
Paula

If you want a musical inspiration, and I hope you do, check out Nina Simone right here.

What are you really searching for, wanting to happen, waiting for? That’s what I want to know. What are you waiting for? Why are you waiting for anything or anyone? Are you looking for security, assurance, a sure thing? Do you expect that someone else will make you whole? Well, that’s not happening. No one can make you whole but you.

Here’s what I’ve been thinking…we need to change the way we look at each other. We need to learn to respect and accept each other…our diversity and our uniqueness. We need to see the value in every living being. We need to notice when the other is suffering and recognize that our wholeness is linked to their wholeness.

Removing statues and the confederate flag, renaming parks, sports teams, bands and military bases…well, if that’s all we do, it’s a waste of time. It might make us feel good for a while…probably a short while. It makes others angry, maybe for a while longer. But these are not the cause of discord, racism, disrespect, hate or injustice. The billionaires and millionaires and world leaders are laughing at our focus on these ‘little’ things, as they continue their march in the same old boots.

Brothers and sisters, we gotta work on relieving the pain. We gotta work on making the whole healthy. Every decision we make must address the health of the whole. Not just what is good for me or for some, but what works best for everybody. What lifts all people.

We make the whole healthy by addressing oppression, hate and inequality not with right vs wrong…we have been working that angle and haven’t seen a lasting result. We solve it with understanding and meaningful communication from all sides. We solve it by facing our fears and understanding our common desires. This is the work we have been avoiding. It is time we step up and listen up.

Imagine, if everyone, for one day, listened to understand or walked in another’s shoes. I am convinced this would literally change the world. And the statues would fall automatically and the names representing fear and oppression and bigotry would fade away. And the whole would feel itself once again.

Have a listen to this prayer sung by Sarah McLachlan. Let it be a reminder of how the world really works.

With much hope
Paula

When is the last time you trusted your gut feeling? Whatever you were about to decide, whatever you were about to do…well, it might have looked kind of crazy to others. Maybe it even felt a little crazy to you. All except at a deeper place, with a deeper sense, it was absolutely the next best step. Like, to not do it would have just been so wrong. Maybe it worked out the way you had planned or maybe it didn’t…but you never doubted it was the best move you could make at the time.

The enemies of trusting intuition are worry about what others think, worry about how it will work out and worry about not getting it right. You get it…worry. And because we slip so easily into worry, we have to practice trusting our intuition. How? By catching our self trying to figure it all out vs taking the one best next step. By catching our self planning for every contingency vs being open to a possibility we can’t quite see. By catching our self trying to make it happen vs allowing it to unfold.

Once we catch our self, we have an opportunity to act from a sense of ‘okay, I got this’…from a sense of trust, from a sense of how it feels. Even a bit of trust allows us to back away from the tension of getting it right or being embarrassed or called a fool…and instead to live in the sweet relief of being carried by God Itself.

The hesitation to trust our intuition is real, until grace drops through the veil, and we’re not afraid to start or to start over again.

Grateful.
Paula

Surrender is not a dirty word. It doesn’t mean somebody else wins and I lose. The surrender I am talking about is a spiritual practice that allows me to experience peace and ease. It doesn’t mean the outside conditions in my life are necessarily peaceful and easy. It means my being, my self, is at ease regardless of what is happening. Surrender is the practice of bringing this self into as many moments in my life as possible.

Resisting what happens is the cause of suffering and the opposite of surrender. Somehow, trying to make something that is…not so…causes anger, fear and judgment in me. I get anxious, I feel unheard, I want it fixed…and right away. Can you feel the tension in all of that? Why would I choose to bring this tense energy into places where I really want the opposite to take hold?

Here’s one example. Practice surrendering to the fact that we don’t all agree…ever…on anything. Put simply: people disagree about everything. Realize that if you resist this fact (like resorting to communicating in all caps on social media and expecting that to make a difference) you will suffer and you will not be at peace within your own self. When you resist, the cosmic energy of love in you is blocked. When you resist, this most powerful ‘weapon’ is de-energized, out of commission and unavailable to you.

If you notice that something in the world requires your attention, your passion, your wisdom…please engage in the world. Engage from a place of surrender and allow the power of love to inform you and guide you. How? Answer this question: What would love do now?

Indeed, what would love do now?
Paula

Clarity is not available in the midst of emotion. That doesn’t mean emotion is bad, it just means that’s not where you find clarity. Emotion is a natural human experience…and at the same time, too much emotion takes us off center. We know this intuitively. How often have you said out loud, or to yourself: I need to think about that. I need to step away. I need to pray. Let me settle down, take a breath, have some space. Let me sit with this for a while, talk with my coach. I need to calm down. We know there is no clarity when we are caught up in emotion.

In the Bible story of the woman who has committed adultery, (John 8:1-11) Jesus gives us the perfect example of finding clarity by stepping out of emotion. The men who presented the woman and called for her to be stoned according to the law, were filled with emotion. They could not see beyond the written law. Jesus did not confront them or question the charge. Instead he bent down and began writing in the dirt. Finally he said: “Let anyone among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone.” One by one the men left until everyone was gone.

If you are struggling with a decision, the way things are, what to do, how to be…if you are emotional, distraught, out of sorts…know that what you seek cannot be found in these states. Know this too: all you need exists at the depth of you. That is where calm and clarity reside. Sit a while. Breathe. It is in the calm where you will find wisdom. And the breath of God.

Here is another way to understand, from Lao Tzu: “Do you have the patience to wait till your mud settles and the water is clear? Can you remain unmoving till the right action arises by itself?”

Life is a practice. Practice well.
Paula

All perfection means is, it’s the way you’ve dreamed it to be. It’s a story you believe has no negatives…all pros and no cons. Perfection is a construct, a fantasy. A perfect life? What even is that and has anyone ever lived it? I think we need a more accurate word to describe what we really want life to be…not perfect…maybe fulfilling.

That’s what I want my life to be…fulfilling. I want my life to have meaning. I want to feel joy and be free from fear. I want to know what it feels like to be at ease and hopeful…and to not be overcome by anxiety. I want a rich life…not a perfect life. I want to learn and grow and change my mind. I want to offer the best of me as often as I can. And I want to see the best in others, too.

I’ve been thinking…our desire for perfection is what makes compromise a four letter word…even though it has ten letters. To live a rich and fulfilling life requires compromise. It requires that we make mutual concessions, that we meet each other halfway, that we make an effort to understand. It requires that we be satisfied with moving forward bit-by-bit rather than being in a stalemate for years or decades or lifetimes…waiting for perfection.

Certainly, some things are non-negotiable. Human rights, dignity, respect, among them. But hear this: we cannot change the past and not everyone can get exactly what they want, in the next step, as we move forward. If we refuse anything but what we call perfection, we are doomed. We will be stuck. And instead of a fulfilled life we will have a life filled with tension, fear and anxiety.

I wrote this message to remind myself of what I want my life to be. I wrote it to remind myself that compromise is the way forward and that there is no such thing as perfect. I wrote this to remind myself that I am not always right and that I have room to grow. From this place I can be a better me…and that feels good.

Love always
Paula