Nobody likes to be criticized. It can be painful to hear how you didn’t live up to expectations. Maybe you really made an effort and things didn’t go according to plan. All that effort…for what? Not only do you criticize yourself, but others make comments, too. Ouch!

Nobody likes to be criticized and yet we all share that experience. I mean, is there anyone you know who has never been on the receiving end of some not-so-nice comment? Even a gentle lob can feel quite painful. It feels so personal.

So, here is a quote for you (could be by Aristotle, could be by Elbert Hubbard): To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing and be nothing.

That pretty much sums it up. If you live an authentic and engaged life, chances are you will be criticized. Maybe we should just get used to it…accept that it will happen and decide what to do with it. Decide by being curious instead of resistant. You might ask yourself:

Is it true?
Is there anything of value in what I’m hearing?
Did I really miss something important?
Is it something I can just let go?

I think there is great value in being curious as a response to criticism. Whether it is self criticism or criticism you receive from others. Don’t let the fear of being judged stop you from doing your thing, speaking your mind and being who you are. Criticism will come your way. Be ready to receive it with curiosity.

Practicing
Paula

So here is the quote on my daily Zen calendar…from Jack Kornfield.

We must look at ourselves over and over again in order to learn to love, to discover what has kept our hearts closed, and what it means to allow our hearts to open.

I started thinking about the things that make my heart close. Things like criticism, unmet expectations, judgment. There is enough in these few words to fill a book! Each one evokes a feeling of restriction and tension. Maybe anger or fear or rejection. This is how it feels when my heart is closed.

I know the feeling of an open heart, too. That would include acknowledgement, acceptance, belonging. The feelings are ease, joy and contentment.

Maintaining an open heart requires awareness and courage. You have to be brave enough to not retreat, to stand in the fire and not be consumed by it. To stand in the fire of criticism, unmet expectations, judgment…and not close down.

We can learn to feel what we feel and at the same time to not shrink away and shut down. We can learn to allow life to flow and keep our heart softened toward it. When I do this, I experience a sensation of hopefulness and possibility. I believe that can only happen with an open heart.

Practicing keeping my heart open…no matter what.
Paula

You have to get outside of your comfort zone if you’re going to make significant changes in your life, and since few things scare people like the unknown, feeling fear is an excellent sign that you’re on the right track. Jen Sincero

I am approaching a significant birthday in March. Let’s just say I am being overwhelmed by mail and phone calls from Medicare providers. Enough said. So, I decided this year I would hire a personal fitness coach. I wanted to feel better and stronger, leaner and meaner. Well, not meaner as in mean.

Anyway…yikes, kind of scary! Yes, hiring a trainer was out of my comfort zone. And as it turns out, it threw me directly into discomfort. Sore muscles, sore knees, tired, hungry. All of it. I am still thinking…when in the world will I feel better? (FYI…it’s only been one month.)

During my workouts I realized how I often think I won’t be able to do an exercise my trainer sets me up to do. You see, a lot of times my fear masquerades as doubt. Push ups, really? Hold a plank for how long, are you kidding? You want me to do what? I’m not sure my body works that way. But every-single-time I am able to do something and usually more than I ever thought I could do. I guess he knows what he’s doing.

And just maybe I can get on board with that kind of thinking, too. Fear will only take me so far. Yes, I’m on the right track. Now, I want to feel like I’m on the right track. I want to feel empowered and like I belong where I am. That I deserve this.

Will my body still feel sore and tired…yes. Will my stomach growl and want food that isn’t the best for me…yes. But I’m ready to graduate from fear to hope and then to deep satisfaction with myself, as I am, right now.

Workin’ it.
Paula

I was thinking today about the word worship. And how some people describe their Sunday morning gathering as a worship service. It doesn’t feel quite right to me. At Spiritual Soul Center, that’s not what we do…worship. I looked up the definition and found this: religious reverence and homage, deep respect tinged with awe. Often it seems, in the religious sense, this is directed toward a being (God?) or a person (Jesus?).

But Jesus didn’t say “worship me,” he said “follow me.” Big difference, right? He said “do the things I do.” So, what did Jesus do, how did he treat people, what did he teach, who did he hang out with? What did he demonstrate so that we might follow?

Jesus taught simply…love one another. He healed the suffering…he made time for them and did not ignore their needs. He demonstrated love for those who opposed him. He said…love your enemies, let them bring out the best in you. He wanted us to know that we are here to be the light and to be generous with our lives. Check out Matthew 5 in the Message Bible.

It’s easier to worship than it is to follow. To follow takes effort, awareness, kindness, humility, courage and willingness to change. It means considering the big picture…not just how life is going for me.  It takes trust because the world tells us to use our mind…and ‘follow me’ wants us to use our heart.

When I stop to think about it…great teachers are in the “follow me” camp. Not so many in the “worship me” place.

Following the best I can.
Paula

I always let myself be bothered by the idea of random acts of kindness. On the surface it sounds so positive. You can find it many places and spoken by many people…how the world would be changed and transformed by random acts of kindness. It just isn’t quite right with me.

Here is a definition of random from dictionary.com:  lacking any definite plan or prearranged order; haphazard. Haphazard? Really? Is that how we should aspire to be kind…haphazardly, without any preparation? I don’t think so. I think kindness should be intentional. That’s how we can change the world…with intentional acts of kindness.

We shouldn’t leave kindness to chance…or haphazard-ness.

We can prepare by developing humility and empathy. A mindset, a walking around the world consciousness, that everyone is just like me. We all have challenges, heartache, despair, worry, anxiety. We are all caught off-guard by a diagnosis, a sudden loss of a loved one, a natural disaster or accident. If we stop and think about it, few of us would exchange our own life circumstances for another’s…we really are wise enough to know that we all have our hurdles.

I think that is enough to inspire me to be intentionally kind. As often as possible. To as many as possible. All the time.

Plan to be kind.
Please.

With much love,
Paula

So, I have been pondering this…how often I let things get stuck in me. You know, life stuff. Instead of allowing experiences to flow through me, they get stuck in me. I know this from the way I feel. Instead of having the experience, I judge it, resist it, try to change it, get mad about it, make it mean something is wrong with me. Then I sit and wallow in it. Feels…yucky.

But what if I could learn to let it move through me? Have my moment and let it move. Not let that experience set up shop in me. It reminds me of the commercial for Mucinex…not letting mucus make a home in me. Remember this?

This is how it might work. I feel disappointment, I feel exhaustion, I feel anxiety…and then I let it move. Of course, it doesn’t just happen…just like it takes a while for the mucus to release. But in the meantime, I can know it is possible for this feeling to flow through me. This feeling is not who I am, it is the way I feel…at the moment. I can let it pass.

Awareness is the first and critical step…become aware of the feeling as an observer. Then self reflection…where is this coming from? And maybe then…am I willing to let it move through me?

It is work for sure…but it gets me closer to where I want to be. Peaceful and at ease.

Practice, practice, practice.
Paula

Welcome to 2023. I invite you to step into this year by making conscious choices. Don’t let the tides take you far from where you want to be. Remember that you always decide…and this year do it consciously. It just takes a short pause to answer your own questions: Is this what I really want? Does this feel right to me? Is this who I really want to be?

You can ask these questions of yourself for just about any decision you make…the little ones and the big ones. The idea is to give yourself a minute to make the best choice and to accept that choice. To accept your power to choose. You are in charge of your choice-making. You are in charge of what you do, what you think and how you want to feel.

Let me just say that there is nothing you HAVE to do. Nothing. And nobody can MAKE you think or feel a certain way. Only you get to do that. You are that powerful. You get to choose.

Don’t make life confusing by thinking of all the people that this doesn’t apply to…people in prison, the six-year-old or the 16-year-old complying with discipline from their parent…you know what I mean. This blog, this suggestion, is for you…the one reading it. And it’s for me…because I want to make decisions that support who and what I want to be. I don’t want to leave it up to anyone else.

You?

With great humility
Paula

A good new year resolution, perhaps? This one is called Look at that Face!

Who can look at a pansy
and not smile?
No one.

Who can look at that face
and not see
God?

I think I’ll practice seeing
all faces
that way.

Who knows?

Maybe you’ll see me
smiling
all the time.

I wrote this last year. Still true, so here it is with just  a bit of editing.

Yes, it’s that time of year…Christmas. There is a lot of joy around. Happy and bright. Ho, ho, ho. Sleigh bells ring. Silent night. Joy to the world.  Family and friends and holiday cheer. It is a most wonderful time of the year.

It’s wonderful because caring and giving take center stage. We think of others…not just our own self. We take time and make efforts to consider what others might want or need. This one thing changes the vibration of entire communities…even the world!

It’s wonderful because (hopefully) we slow down enough to recognize our own good fortune. We look at the lights, listen to the music, sit in the stillness and feel the holiness of life itself. If you feel the wonder in this season…it is the hap, happiest season of all.

Yes, it’s that time of year…Christmas. For some, the wonder of this season doesn’t feel so wonderful. There is loss and grief and loneliness. A short supply of happy and bright for many reasons.

If this is where you are…please take care of yourself and don’t try to pretend. Respect and care for yourself as you are. Reach out to someone if that feels right. Ask for what you need. Start a different holiday tradition…maybe. Let these days be simple.

My Christmas prayer is for love to emerge through every heart and for light to reach into every dark place. Amen.
Much love
Paula

Curiosity is underrated. I mean, having a sense of curiosity about life is a truly amazing thing. When anything happens or when nothing seems to be happening…you can be curious. It’s about looking around with a sense of wonder…no matter what.

Curiosity is the state you’re in when you are in the middle of a really good book. It’s what keeps you turning the page. What will happen next? How will it end? Will there be a winner? Will he get the girl? Will she be happy? Please say it will all turn out alright in the end!

We can be like that about life…the life that is right in front of us. Curious means…eager to learn. I can be sad and curious, I can be uncertain and curious, I can be busy and curious. When I commit to curiosity I feel less tension. I tend to avoid the extremely dark places. Things feel just a bit lighter.

What if I just stay curious about life? What if?

Much love
Paula