We’d rather not have a relationship with uncertainty. Once we make a decision we want things to fall into place, everything to work out. We want to trust in the best outcome…that our relationships will work, the surgery will be successful, our children will graduate, the car will always start, that things will get better.

And then they don’t. Work out. And our trust fades. We lament….but I did everything right, I followed the rules, I really tried. And we start to retreat. Nope, not going to take a chance, not a single risk. Going to stay protected and safe. Well, that’s no way to live, is it?

There is nothing certain in life. This truth calls us to become more comfortable with not knowing. To become less agitated and scared in uncertainty. To recognize this place of uncertainty is where we live most of our life. We don’t have to fear it…we just need to be still, stop stirring the muddy water and let clarity come to us.

We can live in the sea of uncertainty without lamenting or retreating. We can trust clarity, in a single moment. Pause first, let the water clear, and then you’ll know how to move from there.

Trusting.
Paula

In one of our Coffee and Conversation groups (we meet twice a month on Saturday at Soul Center) … someone said this: Too often we don’t give ourselves permission to be happy. It was like a poke in the eye to some of us. Permission? To be happy? From me to me?

Well, yes. It seems we somehow feel we don’t deserve to be happy…to feel happy. To feel happy just because, for no good reason, without accomplishing anything or taking care of anyone but our own self. To be happy with our own self where we are and how we are, doing or not doing.

Sometimes we put conditions on our own happiness. Once this is over, when I get to this point, when I have this much…then I will have arrived. I’ll be happy then. Or how about this…how can I be happy when there is so much suffering in the world?

These are ways we sabotage happiness. We are all over the place with our stories of what we should be or should have been. How about we decide to be happy in the moment? For this very moment, to be satisfied and at ease exactly where we are?

Deep breath.
Happy.
Paula

This is a simple reminder…please never doubt the power of small acts of kindness. Don’t shrug them off and don’t stop offering them. I am convinced every kindness offered with an open heart is what makes life bearable in the most difficult times. Every kindness lifts the vibration of the universe. Kindness plants hope. And hope is a powerful thing.

What can you do in this crazy, mixed up, sometimes cruel world? Be kind. Make it a habit. And as you engage in kindness, come into the awareness that each act does not exist independently. There is a huge network of kindness being offered at exactly the same time, in many places, by many people, all over the world. Can you imagine that?

We are intricately connected to each other and to the universe. Small acts of kindness join with countless others to plant hope, create possibility and heal hurts. Yes, we are that powerful.

Kindness matters. All of it. Always.
Paula

This past Sunday at Soul Center, my message was titled: What I Know For Sure.  As in, what I know for sure about my life. One thing I shared is this: If I change my perception, my experience changes. I know this for sure because I’ve had this experience. I didn’t need a book or a guru. I’ve lived this.

And I shared a poem that so beautifully and poignantly captures this exact truth. It is from The Path to Kindness, Poems of Connection and Joy, edited by James Crews.

Mimesis by Fady Joudah

My daughter wouldn’t hurt a spider
That has nested
Between her bicycle handles
For two weeks
She waited
Until it left of its own accord

If you tear down the web I said
It will simply know
This isn’t a place to call home
And you’d get to go biking

She said that’s how others
Become refugees isn’t it?

With great humility
Paula

I was passing by the pond along Independence Drive between 17th Street and Shipyard Boulevard. Traffic was light and I was able to notice a single duck on the water. When I stopped at the next light I wrote this western-ized haiku. It’s called Sunday Morning.

Clear, smooth lake.
One duck.
Ripples.

I can still see this in my mind. It was a beautiful moment. Frozen in time. And not just the visual but the feeling of it, too.

Grateful for small things, tender moments and serenity.
Paula

So this happened today. I had a massage scheduled for the afternoon. I was looking forward to it…a Christmas gift from a dear one, that I am just now using.  It was downtown on Front Street, so I left a little early not knowing how difficult it would be to find street parking. As it worked out, I found a spot directly in front of the entrance. How nice, I thought. That was easy.

I loaded the meter with coins to the maximum hours…two…and made my way to the second floor of suites. I had a pleasant conversation with a woman who rode the elevator with me, found my destination and settled in the waiting area as there was another client with the massage therapist. All felt really right with the world. I was happy and at ease in that moment.

I was there just a few minutes, not even enough time to check my email, when the client and therapist exited the suite. She looked at me and sighed painfully. “Did I have an appointment with you?” she asked, knowing already that she had double booked her time. She had an appointment elsewhere and had to be on her way.

She shared her apologies and the somewhat frantic nature of her current life circumstances. I thought to myself, yes, most of us can relate. She wanted to squeeze me in, but I reminded her that this was not an emergency…it had already taken me three months to get it on my calendar. We rescheduled, took a deep breath together and went our separate ways.

I am so happy I didn’t find the need to judge or to blame, to get mad, to hold onto this thing that did not go my way. It’s just what happened. That’s it.

Hopefully, I’ll have my massage next week. I’m pretty sure I’m on her calendar this time!

Much love
Paula

I feel tired. Physically, well kind of. But the tired I am talking about is more mental and emotional. I feel exhausted by the seemingly constant drum of things to do, stuff to take care of, lists to check off, appointments to keep, balls to keep in the air…all in an effort to get it all done and satisfy those around me. And I’m just tired.

Well, contrary to my first thought…it has nothing to do with anyone else but me. If I feel exhausted it’s because of me. Period. It feels better just to write that down. It really is in my own power to release myself from this self-imposed exhaustion.

So, what now? Stop overscheduling yourself. Stop trying to solve everything all of the time. Loosen up a bit. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Stay in your lane and be happy about where you are.

I just needed this reminder. Maybe you needed it too.
Deep breath…and one more. There.
Practicing
Paula

I remember my mother saying…if you want to know where you are, look around and there you are. I also remember her saying...if you want to know what the weather is, open the door and stick your head out. I thought of this as I read my daily Zen calendar quote.

This one is from Jon Kabat-Zinn who, among other things, wrote the book “Wherever You Go, There You Are.”

When it comes right down to it, wherever you go, there you are. Whatever you wind up doing, that’s what you’ve wound up doing. Whatever you are thinking right now, that’s what’s on your mind. Whatever happened to you, it has already happened…Like it or not, this moment is all we really have to work with.

Kabat-Zinn published the first edition of this book in 1994. I can tell you for certain that those quotes from my mother were spoken many years before 1994. She hasn’t written a book…yet. She still may. She is only 85 years young.

The point I am making…besides the wisdom in all of this…is that we each have an innate ability to recognize the truth of how life is and how life works. We don’t need more classes, or certifications or college degrees. We know the truth by being observant, staying curious and trusting the Divine, the Presence, God, as our guide.

My mother is also known to have said…if someone gets just one number wrong trying to telephone you…at least it should end up in the same neighborhood and your neighbor can let them know the right number…back when you could dial five numbers from a land line. I’m not sure what to think about this one. My mother also has a great sense of humor!

With great love for my mum.
Paula

Never assume quiet is weak and loud is strong. I read that somewhere.

Sometimes we assume loud ones are important because they are heard by so many. They have a platform…and we give them power and importance because of that. Sometimes we cower from the loud ones. Or maybe we run from them. We can’t think because of all the noise they bring.

Loud is just loud…it is an auditory level. Beyond that, we make it mean what we make it mean. Shouting louder, believing you are being heard and better understood, is not always how loudness works. A certain loudness might attract attention…but it doesn’t always get you what you want.

Sometimes we overlook the quiet ones. We assume they have nothing worthwhile to offer. If they had an idea, an opinion, a solution, they would speak up. Sometimes we walk away from the quiet ones, maybe because we don’t really know how to include them. And it’s time to move on.

Quiet is just quiet. Beyond that, we make it mean what we make it mean. It is not a lack of wisdom or creativity. It’s just quiet. Quiet doesn’t always get you what you want either…sometimes it’s a good idea to speak up.

There is loud and there is quiet. That’s it. The best place for me to be in all of it: aware and curious.

Much love
Paula

If we know things don’t always go according to our plan, why do we get upset when that is exactly what happens?

You might suspect ‘things not going according to plan’ has been my experience this week. I had a plan. A good plan. A well thought out plan. It wasn’t an aggressive or unmanageable plan. It was reasonable…from my perspective. And it involved the participation of other people.

Well, full stop. Other people. There it is. The fly in the ointment, the wild card, the coup de grace…other people. How easy it is for MY plans to be ruined by other people. Why should that be a surprise…that life happens? People have other places to be or they get sick or there is a last minute something that creates a conflict or somebody dies or they decide to sit this one out or maybe they just forget.

That’s what happens in life…in my life and in the life of everybody else, too.

So I took a deep breath. Well, the first few were actually deep sighs. Kind of like ‘poor me’ sighs. But after that, I took a few more cleansing kind of breaths and I set aside my plan for today, and maybe tomorrow, too. I’ll pick it back up when we can get it done together.

Getting it done together is always a good plan.
Paula