Believe in yourself. Don’t try to convince others of your worth. Don’t wait for their approval. Your only ‘project’ is you. You for you and me for me. Not for anyone else. By ‘project,’ I mean this: being unapologetically and intentionally you. That’s the work.

It really doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks about me. It matters that I am satisfied with myself…with my decisions, my way of being in the world, my expression of my talent, how I take care of myself, what I choose. That’s it, being satisfied with myself. Needing no title or award, no prize or acknowledgement, no credit for a job well done. I can accept these graciously when they come, but they do not determine my value or worth.

Believing in myself doesn’t mean I’m done growing, learning and expanding. It means I’m okay today as I continue my life journey. It means I am aware of my vulnerabilities and the times I fall short, and it means that along the way I am not so harsh and judgmental toward myself. Satisfied includes accepting me in all  my messiness.

When I look inward instead of outward, I encounter a wisdom that guides me. This inward place is where I learn to love myself. Just as I am.

What a relief.
Paula

I am sure you’ve heard the phrase ‘making up for lost time’. We use it when it feels like we lost time because we didn’t like the experience and wanted to be somewhere else, doing something else, maybe with someone else.  I think what we mean is that we want to cram all the stuff into life NOW that we couldn’t do THEN, and that this will somehow make up for lost time.

The feeling of ‘lost time’ happens when we are in pain or sick or caring for someone who needs constant attention. We think…I’ll have my life back when this is over. Then I’ll make up for this lost time.

None of this makes any sense, does it? There is no making up for lost time. By definition, that time is gone. There is no recovering time. When we wait to be somewhere other than where we are…the loss is not time. The loss is the moment. It is the loss of the experience of the moment, and that can’t be recovered either.

This all reminds me to live all-that-life-is no matter what it is. Stop waiting for anything else. Stop waiting until. Live all the moments. There will be no ‘making up’ any of it. Life is much too extraordinary to relegate to a waitlist.

And when those moments are difficult, please remember you don’t have to suffer alone. Live your best life by staying connected, asking for what you need, and making it a practice to always look for the good.

Humble
Paula

I am sure there is blog in my archive about going with the flow. Probably, you’d find the same topic in one of my video messages too. The prevailing wisdom, go with the flow, can be confusing. Is going with the flow being happy with everything that happens? Does it mean saying yes to whatever shows up in life? What if I really want to swim the other way?

Going with the flow is not a mindless floating about. It is conscious and intentional. Because going with the flow includes checking in with how you feel. It’s not just about the flow as it happens to be swirling around you. It’s about alignment with the flow. And alignment is what we feel.  It’s the ‘ah, yes, that’s it’ place.

Recently, I had a constuction adminstration job offer show up in my life…by email. I turned it down. I had decided that my previous project would be the last. I wanted to focus on Soul Center and a few other things that had taken a back burner. Then a few weeks later the offer came back again. I had the thought…well, it showed up again so this must be the Universe calling out to me. It must be the flow inviting me in.

So, I sat in my chair and I asked myself…Paula, how do you feel about taking on this project? Not how much money could I make, not how much time it would require, not how could I fit it in my schedule, not how they really need my help. None of that. Only one question: How do you feel about it? How does it make you feel?

That’s alignment. Once you have alignment, the answer is clear.

No new project for me this time.
Paula

I was looking at canned fruit at Food Lion last week. Not usual for me, but so much fruit is out of season right now. And I wanted some peaches. There are at least three different kinds of canned peaches plus two different brands on the shelf. No, not the sugar free…fake sugar is yuck! No, not the peaches in heavy syrup.  Too sweet. Ah, there it is, peaches in light syrup. That’s the one. Just right!

I was there long enough that a woman came up to me and said, “Excuse me, I hate to ask you…” and then proceeded to ask me for money. She had a few items in her cart…cans of chili, some bananas, maybe a loaf of bread. She started to relay a whole story about who wasn’t showing up with food stamps and who wasn’t answering the phone. As I handed her the money she said, “and you can follow me to the checkout.”

In that moment, I wasn’t remotely interested in watching her check out. We talked about peaches. We both put the same can in our cart and went our separate ways. Halfway down the same aisle this was the conversation I had with myself.

Me: Was I just swindled?
Also me: Doesn’t matter. You gave her the money.
Me again: I wonder if I’ll find her abandoned cart in the next aisle.
…Or the next aisle.
…Or near the checkout line.

I never saw the cart or the woman again.

I don’t regret giving her the money. I don’t even care if she bought those groceries or used it for something else. On my way home, I thought about how much courage it must have taken to ask for money from a stranger. I’m not sure I could do it. Maybe if I was desperate enough. Maybe she was desperate. I also thought about what a privileged life I have. How I can buy whatever I want at the grocery store, take it home in a nice car and put it all away in cabinets already filled with food.

Feeling humble
Paula

It is truly amazing how quickly my focus can change. In an instant what I thought was important doesn’t even make the list. What I had to do and where I had to be suddenly vanish from my consciousness. My whole being is directed exclusively to what is in front of me.

For instance, someone I love is seriously hurt, an emergency, an accident, a tragedy, a life or death decision. All plans evaporate. I am laser focused. Everything drops away. There is no other thought in my mind. I am right there.

How does this happen? How can there be such an immediate shift in me?

I believe it’s simply love taking over. Love knows instantly where to focus and how to be. Love is the response of the heart, not the mind. Love doesn’t try to figure it out. Love responds.

And it’s a powerful thing. So much so that we can’t hold it for long. That focus eventually eases and we have enough room to take care of the thinking details. But that doesn’t mean love is gone. There is room enough for the mind and the heart to work together. We are built with both. We can count on both.

Grateful
Paula

Too often we disregard the value of simple moments. One small thing, one chance, one kind gesture, one yes, one invitation. One bit of encouragement, one kindness, one hug, one authentic moment of caring. One pause in the day to listen, one smile, one text, one call.

One small thing can change a life. It’s usually the small stuff that does. It may seem small. But what makes small things like these magnificent is the energy with which they are offered. It’s the openness of the heart. The smile that says you are worth it. The listening that says what you have to say is important. The encouragement that says I believe in you. It’s not just the ‘thing’, it’s what is beneath it. That’s where the power lies. The power to change a life!

The changed life may not look different from the outside. At least not right away. That’s because the change that happens is subtle at first. It starts with a possibility, something inside that says…well, just maybe. Just maybe I am worthy, just maybe I am strong enough or smart enough, just maybe I do deserve a chance. Can you see how it works?

Please don’t doubt the power of an open heart and one small thing. Just maybe it will change a life.

Much love always
Paula

I rode down to Fort Fisher to take a walk by the ocean. It was Saturday afternoon. I wanted to smell the salt air and see that big pond. I carried my notebook because, well, you never know. This poem came out while I was standing just behind the big rocks.

People just looking
Peering out at the ocean
Seemingly endless water
Infinite horizon.

Hearing the waves
Seeing them roll onto the shore
Nice and easy today
Almost still.

We’re all doing the same thing
Pausing for a minute, sometimes longer
Sitting on the rocks
Standing holding hands.

Mostly quiet
Reflective
Catching a glimpse of the dolphins
Breaking the surface in their easy arc.

I felt connected to everyone
It was the oneness in our attention
In our feeling of smallness
Next to this great wide and powerful open space.

Back to our cars, ready to move on
Eventually dispersed into the sea of humanity
With salt clinging to our clothes
And that feeling of oneness in our hearts.

If it rains, let it rain. If the wind blows, let it blow. Ikkyu

Do you understand how hard and necessary this is?

I expect we know hard times. Times when the rain blew sideways and the wind howled like a freight train. We felt tossed about and couldn’t see a minute in front of us. We called it overwhelmed, stricken with grief or anxiety, so angry we were ready to explode. It’s not supposed to be this way, we shout. This wasn’t supposed to happen. It’s just not fair.

Maybe you’re right in the middle of it now.

Wind and rain.
Wind and rain.
Beating me down.
Relentless.
Only if I try to get up.
Only if I want the sun to shine.
Only if.

The wisdom from Ikkyu is…let it be. Let it storm, let it rain and blow. Don’t try to make it something it is not. It’s only when we expect it to be different or better that we lose our way. Being in the storm is different than being lost in the storm.

The necessary part is learning to be yourself in the storm. Learning to be okay with yourself. Not having some sort of expectation of yourself. And it’s only necessary if you want to maintain some modicum of sanity, if you don’t want to be dragged around by life as it happens to be. Sometimes it’s really hard and painful and awful. Wisdom says: let life be life. Then we might say: okay, I’ll experience that.

This is what the storm feels like. And everything is temporary.

Maybe I could be kinder and more gentle toward myself.
Paula

I think too often we have the habit of making up the worst story possible. We have a tendency to let one small event, one headline, one opinion, blossom into some horrible result for all of mankind! In other words, we let our fear of what might happen take over. And in the process, we contribute to the very thing we don’t want to happen.

I am not talking about fear of the imminent…like a bear running toward you or someone pointing a gun in your direction. This is rational fear. It’s fear that is in alignment with present danger. Instead, I’m talking about the fear we manufacture based on what we think might happen. Irrational fear.

Think about how fear feels. Tense, sweaty, rigid, sick in the pit of the stomach. Apprehensive, uneasy, anxious. Panicked, heart-racing, scared. Think about the vibration of fear. It can be a low, grinding hum or an incredibly dangerous, out of control madness. And when we have a story based in fear, we want to talk about it to anyone who will listen. So, add the vibration of our voice and the words we use.

At this point, we are all in. It surely will happen, regardless of how much or little evidence we have. So, we walk around emanating fear. It pours out of us and impacts everything in our universe. We even say that we can smell fear. Which really means that we can sense fear. Because fear is a vibration.

We can practice catching ourselves when we travel the path of irrational fear. We can notice the story, the feeling and the vibration. And we can decide what kind of vibration we really want to offer the world. And then find our way toward that.

Just imagine what might happen if the vibration of the whole planet shifted away from fear and toward love, peace and joy. It could happen. Are you in?

I am.
Paula

I love it when I experience synchronicity. It happens when life experiences line up in a way that seem uncanny. Like, I had nothing to do with it and still it happened. There was no planning or preparation or coordination to make it happen. It just happened. And I was awake enough to notice.

It happened on Sunday at Soul Center. Megan shared a story and this nugget of wisdom: We don’t change, we become. We become what we are here to be. Our whole life is about becoming…not changing. Blew my mind. Because I knew that part of my message had to do with exactly this. My message was about mistakes, and how we can use them to answer the question…what will I become? I had already written that exact thing…what will I become…on a post it note I used during my presentation. Uncanny.

Another synchronicity. Tim Koehler (one half of the duo Soul-R Fusion, our guest musicians on Sunday) shared this with me. When he heard me say I didn’t have the word yet for my white stone, he immediately thought of the word light. Like, maybe that was my word. And what song did we listen to during meditation? I Am Light, by India Arie. What was the lyric I jotted down from their first song? “Every time we question, we get a little closer to the light.”

I don’t need any more evidence that there is an unseen energy, a life force, a creative power that lives me and you and literally the entire universe. Call it God or Divine or Truth or Love. I am humbled by it and ever grateful for it.

Paula